so these past few weeks since I found out that I was accepted for this great adventure, part of me was holding back.
what part you ask?
I found out that I was accepted, but did not receive a funded position. What does that mean? Instead of paying $2600, I was responsible to raise my entire support of $10,100. I have always been raised to believe that when God calls you to ANYTHING, God will equip you. I firmly believe that money should not be the reason to stop you from going on a missions trip. Before accepting, I prayed and realized that God was just holding me accountable to what I was saying. It was now time to put my words into action.
I prayed.
and waited for a confirmation from the Lord
and prayed some more
I was feeling uneasy about sending out support letters asking help in raising such a large amount of money. Something was holding me back, but what?
questions kept circling my head.
Was this really what I was suppose to be doing?
Was selfish Kelly getting in the way with her desire to travel and explore other areas of the world?
Is this what God REALLY wanted me to do? Was he trying to teach me the same story He taught Abraham with his willingness to sacrifice something so close to his heart? (Granted it wasn't a son I was sacrificing, but once again, letting go of MY desires and MY plans)
I realized that I need to COMPLETELY let go. If God REALLY wants me to do this, He WILL provide a way. This was my decision on Wednesday night.
THURSDAY. I'm at work.
My phone rings.
I answer it.
It's my missions coordinator. She calls to tell me that she is able to offer me a FUNDED position.
God is TRUELY in control. His power, His grace, it's INFINATE. God has me in the palm of His hand. He has called me, He has confirmed that this is what HE wants, He has equipped me.
$600 down, $2000 left!!!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Hope
This is my prayer: (Psalm 42)
"As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirts for God, for the living God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, While they continaully say to me, 'Where is God?'
When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise, With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance.
O my God, my soul is cast down within me; Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan, And from the heights of Hermon, From the Hill Mizar.
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night, His song shall be with me- A prayer to the God of my life
I will say to God my Rock, 'Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?'
As with the breaking of my bones, my enemies reproach me, While they say to me all day long, 'Where is your God?'
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God."
This entire passage of Psalms has always been one of my all time favorite. When I was little and couldn't sleep my mom would come in and sing the song, "As the deer" and I would fall asleep knowing that all is well. My soul was comforted not only because my mommy was there, but that God loved me and I was safe. I say all that to explain how this passage called me to missions.
For the past year and half, it has been the fervent prayer of my heart that God RADICALLY take hold of my life. I wanted him to take everything in my life and make it so that I knew nothing in my life was a result of silly Kelly.
I say to you, don't pray something you TRUELY don't want to happen.
God WILL hold up His end of the deal.
Why do I say this?
Last year I was in a really bad car accident and my Stella was totaled.
I stopped working.
I transferred schools.
all this happened in the matter of 4 months.
While my life around me seemed in shambles, I cried out to God, Why is this happening? Where do I go from here? God showed me a Job 23:9-12.
"But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him.
When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.
I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread. "
I stopped in my thought process. No matter what, thru losing my car, transferring schools, confusion with my job, God was in control. He knew where I was, He had never left me, I would come forth as gold.
Where would I go from here? I knew God was in control and I knew that God had something special for me in the rollercoaster that had become my life. I began to pray and God showed me Psalm 42. The one clear message that came screaming thru was a message of Hope. All I knew is that I wanted to place my hope in Him. The intensity of God's presence overwhelmed me with that passage. I knew that I would have to put my complete reliance in the power of Christ. Where would that reliance lead me?
I was re-reading some of my favorite C.S. Lewis, The Magicians's Nephew. In my infinate nerdiness, I decided to look up stuff about Europe. When I enjoy a book, I like to lookup stuff about the location of the book that I am reading. Get a sense of where the author is coming from and, I like to learn. The things that I was reading overwhelmed me. The sadness, the hopelessness that seems to grip Europe and the younger generations there.
I wanted to do something about it. So I went looking for opportunities. There were 3 places that interested me, The UK! Belgium! and Mexico!
Any of those options would have been an adventure. the UK, because my heart was breaking for a country with such a rich spiritual history; Belgium, because the story of the Holocaust has deeply touched my heart; and Mexico, where my passion and heart for missions first entered my life.
I prayed.
I talked with my mom.
I applied.
I waited.....
and waited...
and waited.
while waiting, I woke up at 2am and just layed it out to God. I wanted to truely make sure that my decision to apply and take that leap of faith to serve Him for 6 uninterrupted months was what HE wanted and not selfish Kelly. I was up to about 4 and then fell into an exhausted sleep.
I slept
woke up
and received the e-mail that told me I was a go!!!
Now I am here, not really knowing what God has in store for me come December when I come back. Right now, my plan is to finish school and then see where God leads.
It scares me because I've always been the girl with the plan, known where I was going and how I was going to get there.
Now, Kelly is out of the picture and God is in control.
The desire of my heart is to serve God with my life. How God wants me to accomplish that, I am unsure. But one thing I know, I must leave everything behind and push forward to the goal that He has for me.
"As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirts for God, for the living God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, While they continaully say to me, 'Where is God?'
When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise, With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance.
O my God, my soul is cast down within me; Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan, And from the heights of Hermon, From the Hill Mizar.
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night, His song shall be with me- A prayer to the God of my life
I will say to God my Rock, 'Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?'
As with the breaking of my bones, my enemies reproach me, While they say to me all day long, 'Where is your God?'
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God."
This entire passage of Psalms has always been one of my all time favorite. When I was little and couldn't sleep my mom would come in and sing the song, "As the deer" and I would fall asleep knowing that all is well. My soul was comforted not only because my mommy was there, but that God loved me and I was safe. I say all that to explain how this passage called me to missions.
For the past year and half, it has been the fervent prayer of my heart that God RADICALLY take hold of my life. I wanted him to take everything in my life and make it so that I knew nothing in my life was a result of silly Kelly.
I say to you, don't pray something you TRUELY don't want to happen.
God WILL hold up His end of the deal.
Why do I say this?
Last year I was in a really bad car accident and my Stella was totaled.
I stopped working.
I transferred schools.
all this happened in the matter of 4 months.
While my life around me seemed in shambles, I cried out to God, Why is this happening? Where do I go from here? God showed me a Job 23:9-12.
"But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him.
When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.
I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread. "
I stopped in my thought process. No matter what, thru losing my car, transferring schools, confusion with my job, God was in control. He knew where I was, He had never left me, I would come forth as gold.
Where would I go from here? I knew God was in control and I knew that God had something special for me in the rollercoaster that had become my life. I began to pray and God showed me Psalm 42. The one clear message that came screaming thru was a message of Hope. All I knew is that I wanted to place my hope in Him. The intensity of God's presence overwhelmed me with that passage. I knew that I would have to put my complete reliance in the power of Christ. Where would that reliance lead me?
I was re-reading some of my favorite C.S. Lewis, The Magicians's Nephew. In my infinate nerdiness, I decided to look up stuff about Europe. When I enjoy a book, I like to lookup stuff about the location of the book that I am reading. Get a sense of where the author is coming from and, I like to learn. The things that I was reading overwhelmed me. The sadness, the hopelessness that seems to grip Europe and the younger generations there.
I wanted to do something about it. So I went looking for opportunities. There were 3 places that interested me, The UK! Belgium! and Mexico!
Any of those options would have been an adventure. the UK, because my heart was breaking for a country with such a rich spiritual history; Belgium, because the story of the Holocaust has deeply touched my heart; and Mexico, where my passion and heart for missions first entered my life.
I prayed.
I talked with my mom.
I applied.
I waited.....
and waited...
and waited.
while waiting, I woke up at 2am and just layed it out to God. I wanted to truely make sure that my decision to apply and take that leap of faith to serve Him for 6 uninterrupted months was what HE wanted and not selfish Kelly. I was up to about 4 and then fell into an exhausted sleep.
I slept
woke up
and received the e-mail that told me I was a go!!!
Now I am here, not really knowing what God has in store for me come December when I come back. Right now, my plan is to finish school and then see where God leads.
It scares me because I've always been the girl with the plan, known where I was going and how I was going to get there.
Now, Kelly is out of the picture and God is in control.
The desire of my heart is to serve God with my life. How God wants me to accomplish that, I am unsure. But one thing I know, I must leave everything behind and push forward to the goal that He has for me.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Clarity
This past weekend, I was able to reconnect with a very dear friend. It's funny how little things get in the way and build up to create this wall that seems impossible to get over. But, once you are able to face that wall, see the cracks, and break thru, how much clearer things become. The sense of joy that came over me after we finished talking was truely something only God could have provided. A weight was lifted from my shoulders and my heart was happy. It makes me think about how we connect with God. When we let little things in life get in the way, whether it be pride, stubbornness, the thought that we can take care of it ourselves, severely hurts God. I think about how many times I let selfish Kelly get in the way of my relationship with Christ and how many times I've hurt him in the past. The sense of sheer JOY that I had when my friend and I cleared things up was only God give. How much more JOY does Christ have when we re-connect with him?
random side note: This verse REALLY spoke to me and came to me this weekend at the PERFECT time. God is AMAZING and tells us exactly the right thing at exactly the right time
"Why are you in despair, O my soul?
Hope in God"
Psalm 42:5
random side note: This verse REALLY spoke to me and came to me this weekend at the PERFECT time. God is AMAZING and tells us exactly the right thing at exactly the right time
"Why are you in despair, O my soul?
Hope in God"
Psalm 42:5
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Preparations
Today I had lunch with a good friend and we were talking about missions. He asked me how I was preparing for my trip. My first thought was towards all the loose ends I had to tie up till going: car insurance, health insurance, phone bill, leave of absense at work, banking situations, etc. I started to explain that, but then he stopped me to ask me about my spiritual preparations. It's funny that I am about to embark on a spiritual adventure, but my first thought is towards the physical, not the spiritual. How many times when we are with God do we automatically think about our physical state, not spiritual state? Silly Kelly and thinking that only the physical are the only preparations that need to be done. My prayer as I prepare to go abroad is that God prepares my heart, my mind and my focus on to things that He wants, and realize that He has everything under control.
random side note, God in His infinate way of having everything under control allowed me to use my tax refund to take care of my car insurance and health insurance while being away so I no longer have to worry about where that money is coming from!
random side note, God in His infinate way of having everything under control allowed me to use my tax refund to take care of my car insurance and health insurance while being away so I no longer have to worry about where that money is coming from!
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